Health Watch: Diets to Avoid this New Year
By Laura Donovan
Two and a half years ago, I returned from my Paris summer study abroad program 15 pounds heavier than I’d been at the beginning of the trip. Do the math and you’ll calculate that I gained 2.5 pounds a week. Though I couldn’t resist Nutella crepes or my host family’s creamy cappuccinos every morning, packing on that kind of weight in less than two months was damaging to my health, appearance, and wallet (I had to buy a new wardrobe!).
As soon as I arrived home, I went on several tearful treadmill binges and ruled out all carbs. The eight mile runs tired me out and organic meals kept my cravings in check, but I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t back to my pre-France weight within two weeks of being in the States.
There’s a good reason for that: There’s no healthy, sustainable way to shed tons of weight in a small window of time, even if you begin a hardcore exercise regimen. The weight may come off before you know it, but the pounds typically return in no time. Just like you don’t put on noticeable amounts of weight overnight, you cannot lose it overnight. If one of your New Year’s Resolutions is to slim down and improve your diet, here are some diets to pass on, as they only bring temporary results and could ultimately hurt your health:
The juice cleansing diet
It’s easy to look at an tiny celebrity on the cover of Us Weekly and suspect she knows the quickest route to Skinny City. Perhaps she does, but her method is likely unsustainable and unattainable for those who don’t spend eight hours a day with a personal trainer.
In 2006, singer Beyonce went on a “Master Cleanse” fasting diet to drop 20 pounds for her “Dreamgirls” role. Research claims the diet will cleanse and detoxify the body while also stimulating healthy tissue growth. According to Yahoo! News, the food-free diet is “a concoction of fresh lime or lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper mixed with water” accompanied by an “herbal laxative tea.” The diet may wipe your stomach of all its contents and flush out excess matter in your digestive tract, but you can’t survive off liquids forever. Beyonce said she had vegetables during the process, which usually lasts a little more than a week, but reported feeling cranky, especially when people around her enjoyed donuts.
Beyonce also put back on the weight soon after the diet ended, so while it got her in shape for the movie, the Master Cleanse did not hold up.
“As soon as it was over, I gained the weight back,” Beyonce said.
Rather than go for something that will only give you short-lived exceptional results, write up a long-term diet and work-out plan to remain physically active and health conscious for a substantial time period.
Starvation or no-carbs diets
Emily Blunt delivers a memorable but disturbing line in “The Devil Wears Prada,” the 2006 film in which she portrays a stuck-up fashion magazine assistant who will do anything to break into the industry. Though she hates that she has come down with a cold during a big event, Blunt’s character is flattered to hear she looks thin in her ensemble.
“I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight!”
If any of you have ever had the stomach flu, you know it’s just about the most unpleasant mechanism in the world to thin out. It’s also very bad for you, and the same goes for purposely eating as little as possible.
Cutting down on consumption seems like an obvious trick to dieting, but eating less can actually confuse your body into thinking it is starving, which subsequently slows your metabolism. To regain their svelte teenage figure, some people skip meals and deprive themselves of tasty carbs such as cheese, bread, pasta, and dessert, and while your body could use more greens and fruits in place of fatty foods, it also needs something to keep it going.
This New Year, don’t limit your meals or pride yourself on only munching on things only your great-grandmother would recognize. Instead, go by the standard three-meal-per-day plan and always remember to have breakfast.
“Often when it comes down to sleeping 10 minutes more or eating we choose sleep,” wrote Nadia Krasner, a PhD candidate and Whitaker Cardiovascular Institute trainee in Medical Nutrition at Boston University, in October. “Stop doing that! Eating breakfast is the number one best thing you can do for your day. It starts your metabolism, revs up your energy and puts you on pace for a good day.”
“The mystery isn’t why people are fat. It’s why they are still hungry after eating enough calories to sustain them,”’ Krasner said (and even that, in our fast-food world, isn’t a huge mystery— it’s very difficult for your body to estimate the energy density of highly processed foods). “Everyone that’s overweight has plain and simple eaten the calories to get there, what could be genetic or changed over a period of overeating is the satiety reflex and when the person feels full. An extra 10 calories a day translates to about a pound a year. If an apple is 50-100 calories, one extra a day calories worth of apple is 5-10lbs a year.”
To hold yourself accountable and track of your eating habits, it’s wise to keep a food diary with calorie counts, Krasner said. There’s also the obvious weight loss strategy, which is to hold off on fatty foods and carbs.
“Some simple advice: drop fats and simple carbohydrates, don’t drink your calories (i.e. juice, anything but non-fat milk, alcohol, and sodas) and increase high fiber vegetables, because they keep you fuller for longer,” Krasner said. “I would recommend the DASH diet for everyone, and I would recommend phases of integration of it depending on the health status of the person looking to lose weight.”
Acai pills
You don’t have to be a cynic to question some of the acai berry ads on television and the radio. Two years ago, the Center for Science in the Public Interest cautioned potential customers against falling into traps of companies offering free trials of acai berry diet pills.
Acai, a Brazilian fruit that comes in man forms (liquid, a pill, powder, juice) has been marketed as an antioxidant, antibacterial, and anti-inflammatory and is said to have Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids. Though acai seems to contain good stuff, CSPI wrote in a statement that weight loss claims were unfounded.
“There’s no evidence whatsoever to suggest that acai pills will help shed pounds, flatten tummies, cleanse colon, enhance sexual desire, or perform any of the other commonly advertised functions,” the organization said in a press release.
David Grotto, author of “101 Foods That Could Save Your Life,” told WebMD that there is more to weight loss than consuming acai products.
“There is not any single food, including the super-healthy acai berry, that can provide the solution to weight loss,” Grotto said. “To lose weight, you need to control calories with a healthy lifestyle approach that includes plenty of physical activity, nutritious foods, and adequate rest.”
Crash diets
Wouldn’t it be nice to flatten your belly and shrink excess arm fat in a week’s time? A crash diet, which entails eating less than 1,200 calories a day, could help you get there, but not necessarily in the safest manner. According to Health magazine, crash diets have the ability to weaken your immune system and increase your chances of becoming dehydrated, experiencing heart palpitations, and going into cardiac stress.
“A crash diet once won’t hurt your heart,” said cardiologist Isadore Rosenfeld. “But crash dieting repeatedly increases the risk of heart attacks.”
Take care of your heart and body by eating a proper amount of calories every day. The average woman must have 2,000 a day, but if you’re a frequent exerciser, you can probably afford more calories than a sedentary individual. You’ll want to have good calories as well, as the healthy foods will energize and nourish you. When presented with a 460-calorie scone and plate of eggs, sourdough bread, and blueberries, I opt for the breakfast packed with protein and antioxidants, even though fluffy scones taxi me straight to Cloud Nine. Select the foods that will get you through the day rather than make you feel too full to do anything productive.
The keg diet
Back in college, some of my female hallmates came up with what they described as a “genius” way to fend off the freshman 15: to only consume beer, a provider of carbs. Even if you’re a proud beer-drinking girl, as I am, the all-beer diet is a terrible means to prevent weight gain (not to mention that it’s awful for your health). You’re not only depriving your body of the nutrients it needs, but poisoning it. So don’t believe that consuming beer and nothing else will lead you to a state of skinny, perpetually inebriated euphoria.
There’s a reason why all of these diets are out there: it’s because when you have a handle on your health and your weight, you feel better physically and you feel more in control of your life. And quick-e diets, crash diets, liquid diets— they’re all some marketer’s idea of how to prey on your desire to live a more satisfying life. But there’s no substitute for the real thing: better diet and more exercise. Unless you have a thyroid problem— there are medications for that. Go to the doctor.
Until next time, happy eating and exercising, and happy New Year!
![Extend Your Holiday: Dealing with SAD and Winter Blues
By Laura Donovan
This time last year, I started having the most deceptive reoccurring dream of my life.
Throughout Washington DC’s biting cold winter, I dreamed of warmth, cloudless skies, sunshine, and the Pacific Ocean on a weekly basis. Though I loved temporarily feeling like I could step outside in my Rainbow sandals and get Vitamin D, the reality —- that I had five more months of ice storms, gloom, and 20 degree weather ahead of me —- crushed my soul whenever I awoke.
Having been raised in eternally sunny California and just finished college in southern Arizona, the east coast winter was a culture shock to me, so my only way of coping with the lack of perpetual sunshine was to dream of heat and summer. While they reminded me that I’d someday feel toasty again, these brief escapes were not enough to lift my spirits.
In this economy, you don’t always have the luxury of picking your place of employment, so it’s quite possible that your job will determine your location. To take her first post-college position, Levo (League) co-founder Amanda Pouchot relocated from Berkeley, California to chilly New York City. You can’t control the weather, but you can control how you deal with it. Here are some useful tips for battling the cold during winter:
Invest in a sun lamp and bring it to work
I never would have gotten through my first east coast winter without my light box, which I used several mornings a week before work to treat my Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is diagnosed more frequently in women than men. The light boxes have the right amount of balanced spectrum light equivalent to being outdoors on a normal spring day. For optimal usage, turn on your sun lamp during normal sunlight hours so as not to confuse your body about what time of day it is. These products emit clear light that stimulates the body’s photo receptors and pleases the human eye. The blue light frequency of Light Therapy is meant to energize and improve the mood of users. Though light boxes lack the warmth of the sun, the light they emit is meant to travel through the eyes and help regulate your body clock.
Though some researchers have warned that sun lamps could lead to severe health issues like skin cancer, a 1998 study conducted by Yale University reveals that there is little evidence that sun lamps increase risk of melanoma, so if used correctly, light boxes can be safe, helpful devices. I wished I’d brought my light box to work last winter, as I would have been able to spend more than just twenty minutes a day staring into it, so I’d suggest placing your sun lamp on your office desk to look at in the morning and for five to ten minutes in the afternoon. Just make use to avoid overuse (staring at it for more than 30-minute increments), which can bring on fatigue and irritation.
Go on vacation
My January 2011 getaway to Tucson got me through what I consider the most depressing month of the year. After the holiday season wore off, I was ready for something to look forward to, and heading to the warm desert was a wonderful break from the dreariness in the nation’s capital. It’s not exactly wise to travel from the east coast during January and February, as snow storms often cause flight delays and cancellations that time of year, but checking the 10-day weather forecast or monthly prediction could help you plan out a relaxing journey and stay.
Though I’d like to say otherwise, the unfortunate reality is that you’ll likely encounter weather-related flight drama (every single Levo staffer has endured both of these fates) during winter. Regardless, it’s important to remember that you’ll get to your destination at some point, and you’ll feel so relieved once your adventures are in full swing and planes are out of sight.
Or just plan a vacation (that may or may not happen)
When swamped at work or in need of a trip somewhere warm, map out your ideal vacation whether or not you actually plan on going there. Research published last year in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life [via The New York Times] found that people are happier when planning a vacation than being on the vacation itself.
“Vacations do make people happy,” Jeroen Nawijn, one of the study’s authors, told the Times. “But we found people who are anticipating holiday trips show signs of increased happiness, and afterward there is hardly an effect.”
If it makes you happier to fantasize about vacation rather than put one together, feel free to go crazy and come up with your dream trip, even if you lack the time or funds to actually go to this magical place. Get creative and list all the things you’d love to do with unlimited time and resources. Daydreaming may be more rewarding than traveling!
Dress for cold nights on the town
It’s easy to let cold weather get the best of you and make you a hermit. I admit that I spent too much of last winter watching romantic comedies in my Snuggie. But I’m determined to brave the upcoming chilly months exploring New York and bar-hopping with friends. This requires wearing sturdy knee-high boots, donning a heavy coat (I have made sure to avail myself of one I wouldn’t feel guilty about misplacing or losing at coat check), and having gloves and a hat on hand (and on head).
Just because it’s winter doesn’t mean you’re stuck with skinny jeans, black pants, or turtlenecks for the next six months. With leggings, you can show off your cute dresses and skirts. It’s possible to go out in style and have that well-deserved drink during the cold months, so resist the urge to stay inside and put “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” on repeat (this advice is for your own good, we promise).
Be sure to minimize your time outside as well. You can do so by sticking to indoor bars (for a list of New York bars with fireplaces, check out NYMag.com) and taking cabs directly to your destination.
Host dinner and movie parties with friends
If you don’t see the appeal to partying in winter, round up your friends for a dinner or movie party at your residence. When I didn’t feel like glamming it up last winter, I made chicken burritos (the only dish I can cook so far) for my roommate and stuck my “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” disc into the DVD player. Low-key movie nights may not be as thrilling as bar hopping, but at least you and your friends can get through it together. Never underestimate how much having a friend or two join you on low-key nights can make for a real pick-me-up.
Exercise
Working out this time of year will help you keep off winter weight gain and give you endorphins (instant happiness boost), so make a point to get some exercise this season. Levo co-founder Amanda Pouchot recommends jogging outside, but if the air is too cold for you to comfortably complete your work-out, retreat to the gym. Personal trainer and group fitness instructor Vera Trifunovich recentlytold Levo that there’s more to exercising in the winter than going to a spin class or fitness center.
If gyms or personal trainers aren’t for you, Trifunovich recommends trying out a winter sport or even having a dance party with good company.
“[I]nvite your best girlfriends over, blast your favorite tunes, and have a fun [sweaty] calorie blasting dance party! Bottom line: enjoy yourself and stay physically active,” Trifunovich said.
When all else fails, do some digging around the Internets for free exercise instructional videos and work out in your living space.
Dance in the rain or play in the snow
This season, there will probably be days in which you come to work drenched thanks to an awful morning storm. You may show up late to the office as a result of un-plowed roads and congested subways.
The weather will pose serious problems every one in a while, but just try to laugh through the insanity and make the most of the situation. Levo co-founder Amanda Pouchot hates the cold, but plays in the snow during epic blizzards. Go outside and throw snowballs at your friends. Make snow angels and post pictures of your fun on Facebook or Twitter. You’ll be disheveled and messy, but hopefully the activity will bring you back to your awesome childhood memories of mud puddle splashing and playground chasing. You handled being dirty and gross back then and certainly have a pass to look the same now.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly1yngRyns1rnojvoo1_250.jpg)
![You are NOT a Polar Bear: Exercising Tips
All I want for Christmas…is to run until I’m covered in sweat. That seems like a fairly low-maintenance, attainable desire. Right? Not exactly.
Along with the most of the country, I’m working through the holiday season this year. The result is that I’m unable to dedicate the kind of time I’d like to exercise. Because I’m too 21st-century to jog on anything besides a treadmill, I’m out of luck unless I decide to go out and sign up for a gym membership. And according to past experience, even a membership won’t necessarily give me the jolt I need to start exercising as regularly as I should. I’ve decided to wait until the first of the year to join a fitness center. But could the limbo period, which will surely be full of baked goods and trips to Maggiano’s, have more than just an effect on my waistline?
It seems that way. According to a recent University of Dublin study [via the New York Times], exercise has concrete benefits to neural health on top of its benefits to overall physical health. The Irish scientists published their findings upon conducting a series of experiments with sedentary college students partake in a memory test after intense exercise. As part of the test, participants watched a slideshow that included pictures with the names and headshots of strangers. After a break, the participants tried to identify the photo subjects by name as the pictures flashed onscreen. Later on, half the students spun away on stationary bikes until they were spent from the exercise. The non-exercised people remained sedentary for a half hour before both groups of people took the memory test again. The exercised folks performed significantly better on the test than they had on their first attempt while those who had not exercised showed no sign of improvement.
Using blood samples taken throughout the experiment, scientists found that the exercised participants had much higher levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which promotes healthy nerve cells in the hippocampus, cerebral cortex, and basal forebrain— areas that activate in the storage of short- and long-term memories. In human speak? Exercise could be boosting your ability to code and retrieve memories. Working out can help you store more knowledge.
Exercise can be exhausting, time consuming, and even discouarging— especially when you step off the treadmill after what seemed like an incredible 45-minute run and still suffer from ‘muffin top’— but its overall effects are invaluable. Exercise burns cortisol, a hormone that the body produces when stressed, angry, anxious or fearful. We also acquire endorphins from exercise and feel great as a result.
Why you should remain active during the holiday season
With holiday cheer and responsibilities in the air, becoming a gym junkie probably isn’t your first priority. Shopping for gifts, balancing your budget, catching up on Modern Family, and sorting out your end-of-the-year work shifts are probably higher upon your list than staying in shape. But with the cognitive, physical, and mental pluses of working out, it’s important that you dedicate this downtime toyour health. Release the stress of holiday planning and madness by engaging in your favorite physical activity as December winds down.
Work out on your days off and during slow business days
What seems more fun to you: Lifting weights with throbbing muscles, or giggling to the last scene of “Home Alone” with nephews or little cousins? The latter is much more entertaining, but you can be both fit and jubilant during the holiday season on your days off.
Use a small portion of each day to exercise, even if you’re just working out for less than thirty minutes. The busiest time of year for fitness center recruitment is after Christmas, so sprint towards the weight room and running area before the flood of attendees occupies all the treadmills. Scoring more vacation time will be difficult after Christmas and New Years conclude, so have a good work out when you have the time to increase your chances of returning to the office energized, willing and able to work, and tuned in to the needs of your superiors.
Indulge a little!
The holidays can put a dent in your wallet (and rip in the back of your skinny hipster jeans), but it’s perfectly fine to pig out and enjoy multiple servings of baked goods and treats this season, says Vera Trifunovich, personal trainer and group fitness instructor in New York City for Rogue Female Fitness.
“Staying fit during the holiday season is tricky for everyone, even a dedicated fitness trainer like myself,” Trifunovich told Levo. “I actually believe in allowing yourself to indulge a bit. After all, the holidays are meant for celebration! So to look and feel your best at all those holiday parties (even after munching on three different types of Christmas cookies and washing them down with Champagne) simply amp up your workout.”
Intensify your exercise regimen
After you’ve eaten past the point of contentment, step up your workout to feel a little better about all those pieces of fudge you gulped down beneath the Christmas tree. The guilt of scarfing down tons of treats will start to fade once you work it all off on the treadmill or during a spin session.
“If you belong to gym, try adding an extra 2 or 3 fun cardio classes to your weekly routine,” Trifunovich said. “I love Zumba and cardio kickboxing. If you don’t belong to a gym, now can be a great time to join since many clubs offer special rates during the holiday season. For those of you who don’t enjoy a club environment or fitness classes, consider hiring a personal trainer for a couple of weeks to help you develop a fitness regimen uniquely suited to your needs.”
If you find gym offerings uninspiring or dull, Trifunovich said, pick up a winter sport or throw a dance party with your closest buds.
“You can also challenge yourself and learn a new winter sport. Or, invite your best girlfriends over, blast your favorite tunes, and have a fun, sweaty, calorie blasting dance party! Bottom line: enjoy yourself and stay physically active,” Trifunovich said.
Take walks after large meals (and bowls of ice cream)
Some people, like Levo (League) co-founder Amanda Pouchot, are talented at and interested in every sport. For those of you who are not physically inclined or enthusiastic about partaking in a roughhouse football match, opt for tamer athletic activity so you can still get the blood flowing and keep your body fairly under control during the holidays. After big meals at home and dessert servings, initiate long walks with family members to simultaneously connect with relatives and work on your cardio. If you have a pet, bring him/her along for the adventure. Your family will appreciate the interaction, especially if you’re not around much, and the pup will be thrilled to roam the outdoors with you.
If it’s too cold to leave the house, use exercise videos
I have somewhat of an embarrassing confession to make: In junior high, I was so entranced by Darrin’s Dance Grooves commercials that I ordered one of the how-to DVDs on Netflix and tried to emulate the “Bye Bye Bye” routine in my living room. Though I wouldn’t recommend Darrin’s Dance Grooves, as it was far from informative or helpful to my disillusioned 12-year-old self, I suggest investing in workout videos during the winter. They’re useful when the gym is closed, air is too chilly to brave a run, or roads are too congested for you to drive to the fitness center. You can rent them off Netflix or even stumble upon free exercise instructions or lessons online. This will also allow you to work out with friends or family members who may not have gym memberships, so take this as an opportunity for you guys to do something productive and healthy together during the holiday season.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly2006JPbf1rnojvoo1_250.jpg)
![Unrequited Love in the Workplace
By Laura Donovan
Opinions vary on office romance. Though often frowned upon and often forbidden, inter-office dating has an undeniable presence in the working world. In a 2011 survey conducted by career resource site Vault, more than 59 percent of participants admitted to engaging in cubicle canoodling. Considering the high number of young people in the labor force, office romance dating has to be expected at some level. It’s also the reason I’m here today, as my mom and dad met on the job in the early eighties.
Office romance hasn’t gone unnoticed by the media or pop culture, but unrequited love in the workplace often flies under the radar. As plenty of professionals know, office love of the unrequited variety is much more complicated than simply having a colleague fail to return your feelings. Perhaps he or she crushed on you at some point, but had a change of heart. This move isn’t unusual to those of us (read: all of us) who have heard a lifetime’s worth of overused excuses from flaky men, yet the rejection can be especially painful if you have to continue working with the guy after he has turned you down and maybe even moved on to someone else.
Regardless of your particular situation, the reality is that you must maintain professionalism in spite of the strained and sometimes awkward relationship that exists between you and your crush. Here are some suggestions for carrying yourself at work after a colleague says you’re nothing more than a friend or fellow staffer.
Go home at your designated leave time once a week
In “Love Actually,” Sarah excels at her job, in part because the only constant in her life is her mentally ill brother Michael— in other words, she lacks a thriving social life. She’s also somewhat motivated to excel due to the fact that she’s in love with company higher-up, Karl. If you’ve ever fallen for someone at work, you know that a love like that could make you want to show up to the office earlier and stick around late into the night.
Once your coworker admits the feeling isn’t mutual, you shouldn’t feel the need to linger at work anymore, unless of course you feel more satisfied when you throw yourself into your professional responsibilities. Try to take off around five or six at least once a week— you’ll avoid the tunnel-vision that long hours brings, and you’ll also minimize the amount of time you’re around you-know-who. Use the extra hour that you would have spent working (or perhaps shooting longing glances in his direction) doing something for yourself. This isn’t running away from the guy. You’re setting boundaries between your personal and professional lives.
Treat yourself
People have different ways of coping with heartbreak. Shopaholics defer to retail therapy. Hard-partiers may imbibe more heavily when sad. I personally eat burritos and splurge on pedicures. Until the initial sting of rejection subsides, invest in yourself a little and do something that will provide you with immediate comfort. The moment I sink my teeth into a swirl of beans and cheese or dip my feet in hot wax, I’m able to temporarily quit thinking about Mr. Wrong and how he wronged me. Don’t do this sort of thing every day, but let yourself indulge in the aftermath of immense disappointment. You put yourself out there and were shot down, so you’ve earned that shopping spree/piece of cake/glass of champagne/nail appointment!
Nicole Johnson, CEO of Personal Edge Consulting, told Levo that losses of any kind take time to recover from and that it’s necessary to let yourself grieve and feel sad about the great American love story that never was. Some people prefer to bottle up feelings of sadness and disappointment, but it’s better to release everything out into the open now to expedite the move on process.
“Give yourself a specific amount of time to lament over your lost love,” Johnson says. “Acknowledge every emotion; let it ALL out.” That said, remember that whenever you exhibit behavior that reflects your internal state, you habituate your body to that process— so read up on anger and rage before letting yourself go completely.
Nicole Williams, career expert and author of “Girl On Top,” is all for taking care of yourself in the face of unrequited love or a breakup.
“[A]fter the initial shock wears off, try to ease back into exercising and going to bed at a reasonable time so you’ll feel rested,” Williams says. “Carry tissues, and maybe download a lot of empowering music on your iPod to listen to while you work. And after a long day, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers or treat yourself to a manicure. It may take some time, but you will start feeling like your fabulous and independent self again. With or without him.”
Resist the urge to hibernate or play hooky
If a coworker makes it clear that he has no interest in moving forward with you, it’s best not to spend too much time around him —- or if you’re like me —- try to change his mind. I swear I’m not a cheesy counselor, but you’re too special to be blown off like this, and if he can’t appreciate your value or seize this opportunity, he’s undeserving of your energy and feelings. Keep a distance and don’t reward him with anything more than professional courtesy. Avoiding excessive communication is the way to go, but don’t use mental health days to veg out on your couch or weep to “Dirty Dancing” like Jess on “The New Girl.” As much as we adore Zooey Deschanel, rolling around on the floor in hysterics isn’t the most constructive way for her character to move on from her cad ex-boyfriend.
“It might seem tempting to spend the day moping in bed with daytime TV and a tub of Häagen-Dazs, but you’ll feel better after you shower and get back into your routine,” Williams says. “You need to face your [him] eventually and it’s better to face them head on the next day.”
Visit with friends more often
Who better to consult at a time like this than your closest pals? A full-time job doesn’t always lend itself to an active social life, so it’s important to make time to organize get-togethers with other people. After a long day at work, you may feel too tired to go out for drinks, but push through the exhaustion to catch up with quality friends. You won’t regret it, and interacting with them is better than moping at home about the malaise of your soul.
Greg Behrendt, author of highly publicized self-help books, “He’s Just Not That Into You” and “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: A Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy,” says time with friends gets the heartbroken through the end of a relationship. You may not have dated your coworker, but contact with pals is beneficial regardless.
“You may not have him, but you have something far more valuable right now ‑- your friends,”says Behrendt. “We know it sounds corny, but having good friends to call on will get you through the heartbreak you’re feeling more quickly than you thought. Their love and companionship can be a beacon during your darkest hours.”
Williams agrees that now is the time to connect with your pals, but wait until the work day is over to vent about the guy.
“This is where keeping busy with work and friends comes in handy!” Williams says.
Johnson says embracing one’s social network and staying occupied make all the difference when trying to move on.
“Friends, family, colleagues, spiritual leaders, coaches and therapists are available to help you overcome your pain,” Johnson says. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remain active…get involved with groups and organizations that fit your interests.”
Remember: This could be a blessing in disguise
Here at Levo, we’re fans of finding the light at the end of the tunnel in all situations. With this apparent misfortune, you’re actually lucky because you won’t have to deal with the stigma or mess of dating a coworker.
Let’s say you two had a good thing going for a while but eventually split: The pain of ending something solid is much more hard-hitting than you’re going through now, which mainly consists of wondering about what could have been. You’re also exempt from annoying office chatter, so be thankful that you’re not the center of workplace gossip for making it “Facebook Official” with the fellow across the room.
Although it may not appear that way, this could very well be the right time for you to give your all at work.
“[W]hen an office crush or romance has failed, the employee should regard this as an opportunity to pursue their career and professional endeavors,” Johnson says. “In this economy, job security is not a guarantee; however, despite the economic climate, a broken heart is guaranteed to heal.”
Get to know your other officemates
If you invested a lot of time pining for one coworker in particular, you have probably paid more attention to him than anyone else on staff for a while. When it’s clear that your relationship will never go beyond professional, feel free to get closer to some of your other colleagues. Invite them to happy hour, initiate coffee or lunch breaks, or even ask if they’re available for a bike ride or museum trip one Saturday. You don’t have to be best buds with these folks, but connecting with other people at work will enable you to forget about your instance of unrequited love and see that there are plenty of other exceptional individuals at the office besides him.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly20stY7ED1rnojvoo1_250.png)
![In Defense of Zooey Deschanel
By Laura Donovan
In a former life, I spent a lot of time writing about celebrity gossip, which is fluffy (and amusing!) but irrelevant. I couldn’t care less about Kim Kardashian’s second failed marriage or anything else on the front cover of Us Weekly. But I’m perplexed and a little disturbed by the anti-Zooey Deschanel sentiment that has infiltrated the Internet over the past few months. All the backlash towards the wide-eyed actress/singer, who made the jump from typecast moody character to mainstream Manic Pixie Dream Girl a few years ago, says more about our culture’s lack of support for unpopular career shifts than Deschanel’s supposed sell-out move.
The Manic Pixie Dream Girl, or MPDG, has been a stock character in cinema in recent (and distant) memory– everyone from Diane Keaton in Annie Hall to Natalie Portman in Garden State to Beatrice in the life of Dante Alighieri has played the role. Usually, MPDGs are supporting characters that don’t get a lot of spotlight-time and are really just adding pure context to a film. Unless you think the role has become cliche, there’s not a lot of backlash usually oriented at these characters– unless they get 1) too adorable 2) too clingy or 3) too unrealistic. Zooey’s attracting backlash for variants of all of those reasons.
One of the latest negative Deschanel campaigns comes from Salon’s Mary Beth Williams, who wrote a column last month titled “Zooey Deschanel Makes My Teeth Hurt.” In an apparent assault on Deschanel’s fairly new perky persona, Williams criticizes the character the 31-year-old portrays in new sitcom, The New Girl.“Deschanel plays an exaggerated version of Zooey Deschanel — i.e., your worst nightmare… Deschanel’s character wears glasses and pajamas with little hearts on them and references stuff like ‘An American Tail…’ It’s like one of the kids from ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ wound up in a sitcom.”
This gives Deschanel a lot of responsibility for her role in the show, not all of which is deserved. Elizabeth Meriwether created the show, not Deschanel, so the television star shouldn’t have to apologize for following the script she has been handed. It common for viewers to dislike a performer based on his or her current role, but there’s more to Deschanel than her sappy soul on The New Girl.
Traitor, or scapegoat? Or… actress?
I was interested that some of the backlash Zooey’s getting for The New Girl is focused around female comics who deserve to be on television more than Zooey. They’re comparing her to female comedians, which is neither the role she’s played historically or the role she’s playing in The New Girl. The world of female comedy is one fraught with competition, so it’s understandable that wherever there’s a perceived opportunity, plenty of fans will be fighting for their favorite female comedians to fill the role. But it’s not in Deschanel’s portfolio, and the role she was cast for couldn’t handle a female comedian anyway. Ms. Deschanel’s past roles have been anything but comedic. If anything, she’s much more of a straight man. Some examples:
In the 2006 poorly-received rom-com Failure to Launch, Deschanel plays a petulant character who is much more determined to shoot an obnoxious mockingbird who chirps outside her window than to be comedic in any way. Before that, she was the troubled big sister in Almost Famous. Eight Christmases ago, Deschanel portrayed an unhappy department store employee, Jovie in the comedy Elf. She’s not funny in that role. If anything, she’s a straight man. In 2008, she surprised many for playing Jim Carrey’s fun, chipper girlfriend inYes Man. When I saw it over the holidays, I kept waiting for her to throw on her best pout and sulk, but she never did. She had and probably still possesses a knack for sullen roles, and tons of pop culture observers haven’t taken kindly to her change in focus. People miss who she once was, or at least who they perceived her to be.
“[T]hat’s precisely why it’s increasingly unnerving to watch a woman in her 30s turn herself into a caricature of her most manic pixie dreamgirl self,” Williams, who notes Deschanel’s ukulele skills and love for boardgames, writes. “Lately, it seems like her edge has been rubbed down into a pile of soft, downy fluff.”
Whether Deschanel traded in her surly specialty for smiles or simply evolved into another type of actress, she’s been accused of everything from ruining normal pixie-girls’ dating lives to supplanting more deserving comics’ 15 minutes in the spotlight.
Misdirected hostility
Deschanel has gotten lots of flak for being too cheerful, and some have warned that she is going to face consequences for her spirit at some point. But the evidence that those claims are true is unconvincing at best. The claim here can be summed up in several celeb-blogs:
“[T]he reason we hate her is probably pretty straightforward,” writes a blogger for celebrity gossip site, OhNoTheyDidn’t. “She’s the Uncle Sam of MPDGs…And though this is just another shallow, boring character archetype — like all the rest we are only to happy to swallow — she insults our intelligence by parading as ‘different,’ ‘indie,’ ‘original,’ and ‘representing the weird girls.’ And if you’re actually a girl who, like Zooey, doesn’t really know how to act around people and makes weird statements all the time — you know how very un-cute the world finds it.”
The argument here is that Zooey Deschanel represents not just her own character but also an entire category of weird girls. It has a strong parallel to an experience most of us have had: our favorite local band signs with a label, and we perceive that they’ve given up a key part of the role they played in our lives in order to appeal to a broader audience. And guess what? That’s true. Zooey Deschanel used to have a smaller, more faithful audience. Now she’s on primetime network television. That’s a shift for any actress.
Deschanel is far from the only actress that overwhelms others with her energy and love for warm fuzzies. Gossip Girl star Blake Lively falls into the same category but never gets called out for it, and the same can be said about dozens of folks – both male and female– in the entertainment industry. Deschanel is the object of so much criticism because of her shift in roles, and as far as we’re can tell, she’s probably going to remain a MPDG for a while.
The importance of supporting women in their career path
For the time being, Deschanel’s focus seems to be The New Girl (and that seemingly unending run of Cotton commercials), but only time will tell whether she’ll revisit the cynical personality we saw in her earlier projects. Whether she continues entertaining and infuriating viewers with her MPDG antics or goes back to her somewhat joyless roots, she has a right to try new things in her career and go for what works for her. It’s not always easy, especially if you have to explain yourself to people who don’t really understand what prompted your move, but it takes a brave lady to go after she wants and ignore the negativity that often follows.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxysk1lgRL1rnojvoo1_250.jpg)
![Extend Your Holiday: Dealing with SAD and Winter Blues
By Laura Donovan
This time last year, I started having the most deceptive reoccurring dream of my life.
Throughout Washington DC’s biting cold winter, I dreamed of warmth, cloudless skies, sunshine, and the Pacific Ocean on a weekly basis. Though I loved temporarily feeling like I could step outside in my Rainbow sandals and get Vitamin D, the reality —- that I had five more months of ice storms, gloom, and 20 degree weather ahead of me —- crushed my soul whenever I awoke.
Having been raised in eternally sunny California and just finished college in southern Arizona, the east coast winter was a culture shock to me, so my only way of coping with the lack of perpetual sunshine was to dream of heat and summer. While they reminded me that I’d someday feel toasty again, these brief escapes were not enough to lift my spirits.
In this economy, you don’t always have the luxury of picking your place of employment, so it’s quite possible that your job will determine your location. To take her first post-college position, Levo (League) co-founder Amanda Pouchot relocated from Berkeley, California to chilly New York City. You can’t control the weather, but you can control how you deal with it. Here are some useful tips for battling the cold during winter:
Invest in a sun lamp and bring it to work
I never would have gotten through my first east coast winter without my light box, which I used several mornings a week before work to treat my Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is diagnosed more frequently in women than men. The light boxes have the right amount of balanced spectrum light equivalent to being outdoors on a normal spring day. For optimal usage, turn on your sun lamp during normal sunlight hours so as not to confuse your body about what time of day it is. These products emit clear light that stimulates the body’s photo receptors and pleases the human eye. The blue light frequency of Light Therapy is meant to energize and improve the mood of users. Though light boxes lack the warmth of the sun, the light they emit is meant to travel through the eyes and help regulate your body clock.
Though some researchers have warned that sun lamps could lead to severe health issues like skin cancer, a 1998 study conducted by Yale University reveals that there is little evidence that sun lamps increase risk of melanoma, so if used correctly, light boxes can be safe, helpful devices. I wished I’d brought my light box to work last winter, as I would have been able to spend more than just twenty minutes a day staring into it, so I’d suggest placing your sun lamp on your office desk to look at in the morning and for five to ten minutes in the afternoon. Just make use to avoid overuse (staring at it for more than 30-minute increments), which can bring on fatigue and irritation.
Go on vacation
My January 2011 getaway to Tucson got me through what I consider the most depressing month of the year. After the holiday season wore off, I was ready for something to look forward to, and heading to the warm desert was a wonderful break from the dreariness in the nation’s capital. It’s not exactly wise to travel from the east coast during January and February, as snow storms often cause flight delays and cancellations that time of year, but checking the 10-day weather forecast or monthly prediction could help you plan out a relaxing journey and stay.
Though I’d like to say otherwise, the unfortunate reality is that you’ll likely encounter weather-related flight drama (every single Levo staffer has endured both of these fates) during winter. Regardless, it’s important to remember that you’ll get to your destination at some point, and you’ll feel so relieved once your adventures are in full swing and planes are out of sight.
Or just plan a vacation (that may or may not happen)
When swamped at work or in need of a trip somewhere warm, map out your ideal vacation whether or not you actually plan on going there. Research published last year in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life [via The New York Times] found that people are happier when planning a vacation than being on the vacation itself.
“Vacations do make people happy,” Jeroen Nawijn, one of the study’s authors, told the Times. “But we found people who are anticipating holiday trips show signs of increased happiness, and afterward there is hardly an effect.”
If it makes you happier to fantasize about vacation rather than put one together, feel free to go crazy and come up with your dream trip, even if you lack the time or funds to actually go to this magical place. Get creative and list all the things you’d love to do with unlimited time and resources. Daydreaming may be more rewarding than traveling!
Dress for cold nights on the town
It’s easy to let cold weather get the best of you and make you a hermit. I admit that I spent too much of last winter watching romantic comedies in my Snuggie. But I’m determined to brave the upcoming chilly months exploring New York and bar-hopping with friends. This requires wearing sturdy knee-high boots, donning a heavy coat (I have made sure to avail myself of one I wouldn’t feel guilty about misplacing or losing at coat check), and having gloves and a hat on hand (and on head).
Just because it’s winter doesn’t mean you’re stuck with skinny jeans, black pants, or turtlenecks for the next six months. With leggings, you can show off your cute dresses and skirts. It’s possible to go out in style and have that well-deserved drink during the cold months, so resist the urge to stay inside and put “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” on repeat (this advice is for your own good, we promise).
Be sure to minimize your time outside as well. You can do so by sticking to indoor bars (for a list of New York bars with fireplaces, check out NYMag.com) and taking cabs directly to your destination.
Host dinner and movie parties with friends
If you don’t see the appeal to partying in winter, round up your friends for a dinner or movie party at your residence. When I didn’t feel like glamming it up last winter, I made chicken burritos (the only dish I can cook so far) for my roommate and stuck my “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” disc into the DVD player. Low-key movie nights may not be as thrilling as bar hopping, but at least you and your friends can get through it together. Never underestimate how much having a friend or two join you on low-key nights can make for a real pick-me-up.
Exercise
Working out this time of year will help you keep off winter weight gain and give you endorphins (instant happiness boost), so make a point to get some exercise this season. Levo co-founder Amanda Pouchot recommends jogging outside, but if the air is too cold for you to comfortably complete your work-out, retreat to the gym. Personal trainer and group fitness instructor Vera Trifunovich recentlytold Levo that there’s more to exercising in the winter than going to a spin class or fitness center.
If gyms or personal trainers aren’t for you, Trifunovich recommends trying out a winter sport or even having a dance party with good company.
“[I]nvite your best girlfriends over, blast your favorite tunes, and have a fun [sweaty] calorie blasting dance party! Bottom line: enjoy yourself and stay physically active,” Trifunovich said.
When all else fails, do some digging around the Internets for free exercise instructional videos and work out in your living space.
Dance in the rain or play in the snow
This season, there will probably be days in which you come to work drenched thanks to an awful morning storm. You may show up late to the office as a result of un-plowed roads and congested subways.
The weather will pose serious problems every one in a while, but just try to laugh through the insanity and make the most of the situation. Levo co-founder Amanda Pouchot hates the cold, but plays in the snow during epic blizzards. Go outside and throw snowballs at your friends. Make snow angels and post pictures of your fun on Facebook or Twitter. You’ll be disheveled and messy, but hopefully the activity will bring you back to your awesome childhood memories of mud puddle splashing and playground chasing. You handled being dirty and gross back then and certainly have a pass to look the same now.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly1yngRyns1rnojvoo1_500.jpg)
![You are NOT a Polar Bear: Exercising Tips
All I want for Christmas…is to run until I’m covered in sweat. That seems like a fairly low-maintenance, attainable desire. Right? Not exactly.
Along with the most of the country, I’m working through the holiday season this year. The result is that I’m unable to dedicate the kind of time I’d like to exercise. Because I’m too 21st-century to jog on anything besides a treadmill, I’m out of luck unless I decide to go out and sign up for a gym membership. And according to past experience, even a membership won’t necessarily give me the jolt I need to start exercising as regularly as I should. I’ve decided to wait until the first of the year to join a fitness center. But could the limbo period, which will surely be full of baked goods and trips to Maggiano’s, have more than just an effect on my waistline?
It seems that way. According to a recent University of Dublin study [via the New York Times], exercise has concrete benefits to neural health on top of its benefits to overall physical health. The Irish scientists published their findings upon conducting a series of experiments with sedentary college students partake in a memory test after intense exercise. As part of the test, participants watched a slideshow that included pictures with the names and headshots of strangers. After a break, the participants tried to identify the photo subjects by name as the pictures flashed onscreen. Later on, half the students spun away on stationary bikes until they were spent from the exercise. The non-exercised people remained sedentary for a half hour before both groups of people took the memory test again. The exercised folks performed significantly better on the test than they had on their first attempt while those who had not exercised showed no sign of improvement.
Using blood samples taken throughout the experiment, scientists found that the exercised participants had much higher levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which promotes healthy nerve cells in the hippocampus, cerebral cortex, and basal forebrain— areas that activate in the storage of short- and long-term memories. In human speak? Exercise could be boosting your ability to code and retrieve memories. Working out can help you store more knowledge.
Exercise can be exhausting, time consuming, and even discouarging— especially when you step off the treadmill after what seemed like an incredible 45-minute run and still suffer from ‘muffin top’— but its overall effects are invaluable. Exercise burns cortisol, a hormone that the body produces when stressed, angry, anxious or fearful. We also acquire endorphins from exercise and feel great as a result.
Why you should remain active during the holiday season
With holiday cheer and responsibilities in the air, becoming a gym junkie probably isn’t your first priority. Shopping for gifts, balancing your budget, catching up on Modern Family, and sorting out your end-of-the-year work shifts are probably higher upon your list than staying in shape. But with the cognitive, physical, and mental pluses of working out, it’s important that you dedicate this downtime toyour health. Release the stress of holiday planning and madness by engaging in your favorite physical activity as December winds down.
Work out on your days off and during slow business days
What seems more fun to you: Lifting weights with throbbing muscles, or giggling to the last scene of “Home Alone” with nephews or little cousins? The latter is much more entertaining, but you can be both fit and jubilant during the holiday season on your days off.
Use a small portion of each day to exercise, even if you’re just working out for less than thirty minutes. The busiest time of year for fitness center recruitment is after Christmas, so sprint towards the weight room and running area before the flood of attendees occupies all the treadmills. Scoring more vacation time will be difficult after Christmas and New Years conclude, so have a good work out when you have the time to increase your chances of returning to the office energized, willing and able to work, and tuned in to the needs of your superiors.
Indulge a little!
The holidays can put a dent in your wallet (and rip in the back of your skinny hipster jeans), but it’s perfectly fine to pig out and enjoy multiple servings of baked goods and treats this season, says Vera Trifunovich, personal trainer and group fitness instructor in New York City for Rogue Female Fitness.
“Staying fit during the holiday season is tricky for everyone, even a dedicated fitness trainer like myself,” Trifunovich told Levo. “I actually believe in allowing yourself to indulge a bit. After all, the holidays are meant for celebration! So to look and feel your best at all those holiday parties (even after munching on three different types of Christmas cookies and washing them down with Champagne) simply amp up your workout.”
Intensify your exercise regimen
After you’ve eaten past the point of contentment, step up your workout to feel a little better about all those pieces of fudge you gulped down beneath the Christmas tree. The guilt of scarfing down tons of treats will start to fade once you work it all off on the treadmill or during a spin session.
“If you belong to gym, try adding an extra 2 or 3 fun cardio classes to your weekly routine,” Trifunovich said. “I love Zumba and cardio kickboxing. If you don’t belong to a gym, now can be a great time to join since many clubs offer special rates during the holiday season. For those of you who don’t enjoy a club environment or fitness classes, consider hiring a personal trainer for a couple of weeks to help you develop a fitness regimen uniquely suited to your needs.”
If you find gym offerings uninspiring or dull, Trifunovich said, pick up a winter sport or throw a dance party with your closest buds.
“You can also challenge yourself and learn a new winter sport. Or, invite your best girlfriends over, blast your favorite tunes, and have a fun, sweaty, calorie blasting dance party! Bottom line: enjoy yourself and stay physically active,” Trifunovich said.
Take walks after large meals (and bowls of ice cream)
Some people, like Levo (League) co-founder Amanda Pouchot, are talented at and interested in every sport. For those of you who are not physically inclined or enthusiastic about partaking in a roughhouse football match, opt for tamer athletic activity so you can still get the blood flowing and keep your body fairly under control during the holidays. After big meals at home and dessert servings, initiate long walks with family members to simultaneously connect with relatives and work on your cardio. If you have a pet, bring him/her along for the adventure. Your family will appreciate the interaction, especially if you’re not around much, and the pup will be thrilled to roam the outdoors with you.
If it’s too cold to leave the house, use exercise videos
I have somewhat of an embarrassing confession to make: In junior high, I was so entranced by Darrin’s Dance Grooves commercials that I ordered one of the how-to DVDs on Netflix and tried to emulate the “Bye Bye Bye” routine in my living room. Though I wouldn’t recommend Darrin’s Dance Grooves, as it was far from informative or helpful to my disillusioned 12-year-old self, I suggest investing in workout videos during the winter. They’re useful when the gym is closed, air is too chilly to brave a run, or roads are too congested for you to drive to the fitness center. You can rent them off Netflix or even stumble upon free exercise instructions or lessons online. This will also allow you to work out with friends or family members who may not have gym memberships, so take this as an opportunity for you guys to do something productive and healthy together during the holiday season.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly2006JPbf1rnojvoo1_500.jpg)
![Unrequited Love in the Workplace
By Laura Donovan
Opinions vary on office romance. Though often frowned upon and often forbidden, inter-office dating has an undeniable presence in the working world. In a 2011 survey conducted by career resource site Vault, more than 59 percent of participants admitted to engaging in cubicle canoodling. Considering the high number of young people in the labor force, office romance dating has to be expected at some level. It’s also the reason I’m here today, as my mom and dad met on the job in the early eighties.
Office romance hasn’t gone unnoticed by the media or pop culture, but unrequited love in the workplace often flies under the radar. As plenty of professionals know, office love of the unrequited variety is much more complicated than simply having a colleague fail to return your feelings. Perhaps he or she crushed on you at some point, but had a change of heart. This move isn’t unusual to those of us (read: all of us) who have heard a lifetime’s worth of overused excuses from flaky men, yet the rejection can be especially painful if you have to continue working with the guy after he has turned you down and maybe even moved on to someone else.
Regardless of your particular situation, the reality is that you must maintain professionalism in spite of the strained and sometimes awkward relationship that exists between you and your crush. Here are some suggestions for carrying yourself at work after a colleague says you’re nothing more than a friend or fellow staffer.
Go home at your designated leave time once a week
In “Love Actually,” Sarah excels at her job, in part because the only constant in her life is her mentally ill brother Michael— in other words, she lacks a thriving social life. She’s also somewhat motivated to excel due to the fact that she’s in love with company higher-up, Karl. If you’ve ever fallen for someone at work, you know that a love like that could make you want to show up to the office earlier and stick around late into the night.
Once your coworker admits the feeling isn’t mutual, you shouldn’t feel the need to linger at work anymore, unless of course you feel more satisfied when you throw yourself into your professional responsibilities. Try to take off around five or six at least once a week— you’ll avoid the tunnel-vision that long hours brings, and you’ll also minimize the amount of time you’re around you-know-who. Use the extra hour that you would have spent working (or perhaps shooting longing glances in his direction) doing something for yourself. This isn’t running away from the guy. You’re setting boundaries between your personal and professional lives.
Treat yourself
People have different ways of coping with heartbreak. Shopaholics defer to retail therapy. Hard-partiers may imbibe more heavily when sad. I personally eat burritos and splurge on pedicures. Until the initial sting of rejection subsides, invest in yourself a little and do something that will provide you with immediate comfort. The moment I sink my teeth into a swirl of beans and cheese or dip my feet in hot wax, I’m able to temporarily quit thinking about Mr. Wrong and how he wronged me. Don’t do this sort of thing every day, but let yourself indulge in the aftermath of immense disappointment. You put yourself out there and were shot down, so you’ve earned that shopping spree/piece of cake/glass of champagne/nail appointment!
Nicole Johnson, CEO of Personal Edge Consulting, told Levo that losses of any kind take time to recover from and that it’s necessary to let yourself grieve and feel sad about the great American love story that never was. Some people prefer to bottle up feelings of sadness and disappointment, but it’s better to release everything out into the open now to expedite the move on process.
“Give yourself a specific amount of time to lament over your lost love,” Johnson says. “Acknowledge every emotion; let it ALL out.” That said, remember that whenever you exhibit behavior that reflects your internal state, you habituate your body to that process— so read up on anger and rage before letting yourself go completely.
Nicole Williams, career expert and author of “Girl On Top,” is all for taking care of yourself in the face of unrequited love or a breakup.
“[A]fter the initial shock wears off, try to ease back into exercising and going to bed at a reasonable time so you’ll feel rested,” Williams says. “Carry tissues, and maybe download a lot of empowering music on your iPod to listen to while you work. And after a long day, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers or treat yourself to a manicure. It may take some time, but you will start feeling like your fabulous and independent self again. With or without him.”
Resist the urge to hibernate or play hooky
If a coworker makes it clear that he has no interest in moving forward with you, it’s best not to spend too much time around him —- or if you’re like me —- try to change his mind. I swear I’m not a cheesy counselor, but you’re too special to be blown off like this, and if he can’t appreciate your value or seize this opportunity, he’s undeserving of your energy and feelings. Keep a distance and don’t reward him with anything more than professional courtesy. Avoiding excessive communication is the way to go, but don’t use mental health days to veg out on your couch or weep to “Dirty Dancing” like Jess on “The New Girl.” As much as we adore Zooey Deschanel, rolling around on the floor in hysterics isn’t the most constructive way for her character to move on from her cad ex-boyfriend.
“It might seem tempting to spend the day moping in bed with daytime TV and a tub of Häagen-Dazs, but you’ll feel better after you shower and get back into your routine,” Williams says. “You need to face your [him] eventually and it’s better to face them head on the next day.”
Visit with friends more often
Who better to consult at a time like this than your closest pals? A full-time job doesn’t always lend itself to an active social life, so it’s important to make time to organize get-togethers with other people. After a long day at work, you may feel too tired to go out for drinks, but push through the exhaustion to catch up with quality friends. You won’t regret it, and interacting with them is better than moping at home about the malaise of your soul.
Greg Behrendt, author of highly publicized self-help books, “He’s Just Not That Into You” and “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: A Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy,” says time with friends gets the heartbroken through the end of a relationship. You may not have dated your coworker, but contact with pals is beneficial regardless.
“You may not have him, but you have something far more valuable right now ‑- your friends,”says Behrendt. “We know it sounds corny, but having good friends to call on will get you through the heartbreak you’re feeling more quickly than you thought. Their love and companionship can be a beacon during your darkest hours.”
Williams agrees that now is the time to connect with your pals, but wait until the work day is over to vent about the guy.
“This is where keeping busy with work and friends comes in handy!” Williams says.
Johnson says embracing one’s social network and staying occupied make all the difference when trying to move on.
“Friends, family, colleagues, spiritual leaders, coaches and therapists are available to help you overcome your pain,” Johnson says. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remain active…get involved with groups and organizations that fit your interests.”
Remember: This could be a blessing in disguise
Here at Levo, we’re fans of finding the light at the end of the tunnel in all situations. With this apparent misfortune, you’re actually lucky because you won’t have to deal with the stigma or mess of dating a coworker.
Let’s say you two had a good thing going for a while but eventually split: The pain of ending something solid is much more hard-hitting than you’re going through now, which mainly consists of wondering about what could have been. You’re also exempt from annoying office chatter, so be thankful that you’re not the center of workplace gossip for making it “Facebook Official” with the fellow across the room.
Although it may not appear that way, this could very well be the right time for you to give your all at work.
“[W]hen an office crush or romance has failed, the employee should regard this as an opportunity to pursue their career and professional endeavors,” Johnson says. “In this economy, job security is not a guarantee; however, despite the economic climate, a broken heart is guaranteed to heal.”
Get to know your other officemates
If you invested a lot of time pining for one coworker in particular, you have probably paid more attention to him than anyone else on staff for a while. When it’s clear that your relationship will never go beyond professional, feel free to get closer to some of your other colleagues. Invite them to happy hour, initiate coffee or lunch breaks, or even ask if they’re available for a bike ride or museum trip one Saturday. You don’t have to be best buds with these folks, but connecting with other people at work will enable you to forget about your instance of unrequited love and see that there are plenty of other exceptional individuals at the office besides him.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly20stY7ED1rnojvoo1_500.png)
![In Defense of Zooey Deschanel
By Laura Donovan
In a former life, I spent a lot of time writing about celebrity gossip, which is fluffy (and amusing!) but irrelevant. I couldn’t care less about Kim Kardashian’s second failed marriage or anything else on the front cover of Us Weekly. But I’m perplexed and a little disturbed by the anti-Zooey Deschanel sentiment that has infiltrated the Internet over the past few months. All the backlash towards the wide-eyed actress/singer, who made the jump from typecast moody character to mainstream Manic Pixie Dream Girl a few years ago, says more about our culture’s lack of support for unpopular career shifts than Deschanel’s supposed sell-out move.
The Manic Pixie Dream Girl, or MPDG, has been a stock character in cinema in recent (and distant) memory– everyone from Diane Keaton in Annie Hall to Natalie Portman in Garden State to Beatrice in the life of Dante Alighieri has played the role. Usually, MPDGs are supporting characters that don’t get a lot of spotlight-time and are really just adding pure context to a film. Unless you think the role has become cliche, there’s not a lot of backlash usually oriented at these characters– unless they get 1) too adorable 2) too clingy or 3) too unrealistic. Zooey’s attracting backlash for variants of all of those reasons.
One of the latest negative Deschanel campaigns comes from Salon’s Mary Beth Williams, who wrote a column last month titled “Zooey Deschanel Makes My Teeth Hurt.” In an apparent assault on Deschanel’s fairly new perky persona, Williams criticizes the character the 31-year-old portrays in new sitcom, The New Girl.“Deschanel plays an exaggerated version of Zooey Deschanel — i.e., your worst nightmare… Deschanel’s character wears glasses and pajamas with little hearts on them and references stuff like ‘An American Tail…’ It’s like one of the kids from ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ wound up in a sitcom.”
This gives Deschanel a lot of responsibility for her role in the show, not all of which is deserved. Elizabeth Meriwether created the show, not Deschanel, so the television star shouldn’t have to apologize for following the script she has been handed. It common for viewers to dislike a performer based on his or her current role, but there’s more to Deschanel than her sappy soul on The New Girl.
Traitor, or scapegoat? Or… actress?
I was interested that some of the backlash Zooey’s getting for The New Girl is focused around female comics who deserve to be on television more than Zooey. They’re comparing her to female comedians, which is neither the role she’s played historically or the role she’s playing in The New Girl. The world of female comedy is one fraught with competition, so it’s understandable that wherever there’s a perceived opportunity, plenty of fans will be fighting for their favorite female comedians to fill the role. But it’s not in Deschanel’s portfolio, and the role she was cast for couldn’t handle a female comedian anyway. Ms. Deschanel’s past roles have been anything but comedic. If anything, she’s much more of a straight man. Some examples:
In the 2006 poorly-received rom-com Failure to Launch, Deschanel plays a petulant character who is much more determined to shoot an obnoxious mockingbird who chirps outside her window than to be comedic in any way. Before that, she was the troubled big sister in Almost Famous. Eight Christmases ago, Deschanel portrayed an unhappy department store employee, Jovie in the comedy Elf. She’s not funny in that role. If anything, she’s a straight man. In 2008, she surprised many for playing Jim Carrey’s fun, chipper girlfriend inYes Man. When I saw it over the holidays, I kept waiting for her to throw on her best pout and sulk, but she never did. She had and probably still possesses a knack for sullen roles, and tons of pop culture observers haven’t taken kindly to her change in focus. People miss who she once was, or at least who they perceived her to be.
“[T]hat’s precisely why it’s increasingly unnerving to watch a woman in her 30s turn herself into a caricature of her most manic pixie dreamgirl self,” Williams, who notes Deschanel’s ukulele skills and love for boardgames, writes. “Lately, it seems like her edge has been rubbed down into a pile of soft, downy fluff.”
Whether Deschanel traded in her surly specialty for smiles or simply evolved into another type of actress, she’s been accused of everything from ruining normal pixie-girls’ dating lives to supplanting more deserving comics’ 15 minutes in the spotlight.
Misdirected hostility
Deschanel has gotten lots of flak for being too cheerful, and some have warned that she is going to face consequences for her spirit at some point. But the evidence that those claims are true is unconvincing at best. The claim here can be summed up in several celeb-blogs:
“[T]he reason we hate her is probably pretty straightforward,” writes a blogger for celebrity gossip site, OhNoTheyDidn’t. “She’s the Uncle Sam of MPDGs…And though this is just another shallow, boring character archetype — like all the rest we are only to happy to swallow — she insults our intelligence by parading as ‘different,’ ‘indie,’ ‘original,’ and ‘representing the weird girls.’ And if you’re actually a girl who, like Zooey, doesn’t really know how to act around people and makes weird statements all the time — you know how very un-cute the world finds it.”
The argument here is that Zooey Deschanel represents not just her own character but also an entire category of weird girls. It has a strong parallel to an experience most of us have had: our favorite local band signs with a label, and we perceive that they’ve given up a key part of the role they played in our lives in order to appeal to a broader audience. And guess what? That’s true. Zooey Deschanel used to have a smaller, more faithful audience. Now she’s on primetime network television. That’s a shift for any actress.
Deschanel is far from the only actress that overwhelms others with her energy and love for warm fuzzies. Gossip Girl star Blake Lively falls into the same category but never gets called out for it, and the same can be said about dozens of folks – both male and female– in the entertainment industry. Deschanel is the object of so much criticism because of her shift in roles, and as far as we’re can tell, she’s probably going to remain a MPDG for a while.
The importance of supporting women in their career path
For the time being, Deschanel’s focus seems to be The New Girl (and that seemingly unending run of Cotton commercials), but only time will tell whether she’ll revisit the cynical personality we saw in her earlier projects. Whether she continues entertaining and infuriating viewers with her MPDG antics or goes back to her somewhat joyless roots, she has a right to try new things in her career and go for what works for her. It’s not always easy, especially if you have to explain yourself to people who don’t really understand what prompted your move, but it takes a brave lady to go after she wants and ignore the negativity that often follows.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxysk1lgRL1rnojvoo1_1280.jpg)
