Would You Date a Guy Who Didn’t Go to College?
Would You Date a Guy Who Didn’t Go to College?
By Laura Donovan
I have a confession: Earlier this year, I engaged in shameless flirting with a guy from Utah named Charlie who I met on an airplane (I know— airplane flirting is about as romantic as a Honey Bucket). At the time, I was working more than 60 hours a week and frequently barricaded myself in my apartment to avoid winter weather, leaving me with few opportunities to socialize with young men. I hadn’t really talked to a guy since graduating from the University of Arizona, so I enjoyed chatting with this Utah country boy. But the conversation stopped short when he mentioned that he hadn’t gone to college.
In the same instant that I learned of his degree-lessness, I mentally checked out of the conversation. Simultaneously, though, I felt bombarded by guilt. Was it awful— or even snooty— of me to make a snap decision about Charlie based on his underwhelming educational background? Maybe the high standards of Washington DC getting to me, I thought. But was there merit in my disappointment?
What kind of long-term partner would a non college-educated man make?
So, had I done something shortsighted by ruling Charlie out as a dating prospect? According to a 2010 Pew Research Center study, we’d be likely to butt heads, especially as a married couple. Their findings suggested that the more similar people are in backgrounds, life goals, and values, the more likely they are to have a successful marriage. But check out the other factors Pew found to be essential to a marriage— first is a sense of humor.49% of white respondents favored “sense of humor” above any other factor in determining the success of a marriage, compared with 31% of non-whites. 31% of whites and 27% of non-whites chose “similar cultural background” as the most important feature. “Appearance” was the most important factor for 17% of non-whites, compared with 9% of whites; 13% of non-whites chose “financial state” vs. 5% of whites; and 13% of non-whites selected “educational level,” compared with 6% of whites.The older the study’s subjects, though, the more important having similar cultural background was to their definition of a happy marriage— suggesting that younger generations are more flexible on traditions and background than older ones.
It has been established that college-educated people are more likely to marry and a little more likely to be happy married. The Pew Research Center found that college-educated people are more likely to wed by age 30 than their non college-educated counterparts. In 2005, women made up 57 percent of the student population on college campuses, so while they’re surely aware that they outnumber males at institutions of higher education, they’re also more likely to desire a partner equal to themselves in intelligence, if not education.Nicole Johnson, CEO of dating service Personal Edge Consulting, told The Levo (League) that a non college-educated male and college-educated female would probably struggle to maintain a long-lasting relationship.“I believe a college-educated woman and a non college-educated man would have a difficult time sustaining a long-term relationship,” Johnson said. “A gap in intellect equals a gap in economic status, which effects compatibility, which in turn, affects long-term relationship stability.”
When asked if she recommends her clients date people of the same kind of interests, Johnson said it is “imperative for people to date potential mates with similar passions and levels of curiosities.”“I coach my clients to screen their dates for compatibility in several different areas, including: interests and hobbies, intellect, economic stability, and emotional heath, just to name a few,” Johnson said. “If someone has an extensive educational background and maintains a zest for knowledge and learning, it is wise to date someone with a commensurate level of intelligence and intellectual curiosity. Couples grow and thrive when they simulates each other’s minds, not just their bodies.”
Why PYPs should be selective in dating
Some would call it unfair to reject a guy for failing to meet certain marital standards. When I met Charlie, I was done with casual dating. Knowingly seeing guys with whom I had no future held no value for me, so I needed to look closely at whether Charlie could work for me in the long-term. Obviously, long-term planning should figure into your consideration of dating someone without a degree— especially if buying a house or planning a family is in your ledger. US Government Info reports that a man without a college degree earns an average of $1.2 million in his adult career whereas a person with a bachelor’s degree rakes in $2.1 million in that same time span.
Johnson acknowledged this difference in earnings, adding that income could very well affect a woman’s relationship choice. “People who are college educated (generally) have a higher socio-economic status than non-college-educated individuals,” Johnson said. “Most women would not take a demotion in economic status when considering marriage or a life-long partnership.” The Levo (League) couldn’t be happier that more women than ever have the financial ability to remain independent in their early 20s. But when entering into a relationship, it’s foolish to fail to consider whether your partner can provide for you and a family to at least some degree. At the very least, he should be able to take care of himself— unless you’re interested in having a trophy husband. And if you’re going to do that, make sure you’re not jumping into a financial liability that you can’t handle.
Most of all, it can be crucial to date someone with whom you share similar experiences and values. If education is important to you, but is not to your husband, how will the two of you approach school with your future children? Will he deny them college or private school funds because he didn’t pursue higher education? Will he respect your academic background or is he going to say your interests are inadequate? When you’re feeling nostalgic about university life, will he have an open ear and listen to your stories or tell you to forget about the past? If you don’t have these things in common with a potential husband, you need to evaluate carefully whether or not these issues are something you can agree on when the time comes.
Why one woman loves her “blue-collar” boyfriend
Some prefer dating their polar opposite. This spring, attorney Blixa Scott wrote a column for The Good Men Project titled,“Why I Love My Blue-Collar Guy.” While she slaves away at her “notoriously miserable” position, her “undeniably gorgeous, kind, and honest” boyfriend works “a physically demanding job that doesn’t require a college degree.” Scott lists three reasons for adoring her man: He’s fun, he’s sexy (which comes with the territory of his line of work), and he’s happy. All of these attributes are great in theory, especially since the author says she frequently comes home in a bad mood while her boyfriend is chipper, but there’s more to a relationship than dating an attractive, exciting, and content individual who is tasked with cheering you up. Reliability, stability, and maturity are equally valuable and important.Even though college-educated people today are more likely to marry before 30 than their non-college-educated counterparts, there’s more to the issue than academics. When push comes to shove, having similar interests and values allow relationships to blossom.
It all comes down to wanting the same things
So, what ended up happening with Charlie? When I explained that I lived for writing, reading, yoga, and jogging, he said those activities did not count as hobbies. If I really wanted to be well-rounded, he said, I needed to go hiking, dirt biking, paint balling, skiing, and snowboarding. Clearly, our personalities and priorities were not aligned, and he demonstrated a lack of respect for my daily routine, so I wasn’t inclined to continue corresponding with him. The question was over before it had really begun. But that won’t always be the case, and as often as not, it’s important to really evaluate whether it’s important to you to have a pre-made set of similar experiences in life in orer to get along with a potential mate.
As L (L) writer Elizabeth Burke pointed out last week, we feel “that higher education is a staple of a healthy intelligent mind.” PYPs everywhere deserve to date someone who subscribes to that belief, which is evident in many aspects of life. When you’re on the same page with your significant other, you can understand each other’s pasts and set similar goals, which you can tackle together.
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.
