![Light at the End of the Tunnel: Surviving a Toxic Boss
By Laura Donovan
Having heard many horror stories about working for awful bosses, I consider myself lucky. At previous jobs, I didn’t always understand the rationale of my superiors, but when push came to shove, I’ve liked all of my managers a great deal.
Not everyone has such fond words for The Man. For many years, news outlets have explored the effects of the pervasive workplace issue of a toxic boss, who could potentially bring down employees and even contribute to physical and mental health conditions. It’s no surprise that bad bosses can make you sick, as they’re said to increase a person’s probability of developing heart disease or other illnesses. This summer, Hollywood made light of the universal problem by releasing box office smash, Horrible Bosses, which resonated with viewers regardless of the comedy’s mixed reviews. “To extent that there is a point, beyond sheer silliness — which is fine on its own, by the way — it has something to do with the unfairness of work at a time of high unemployment,” writes A.O. Scott of the New York Times.
Toxic bosses come in many different forms and aren’t always easy to immediately spot, but Jenna, a fashion buyer, had a textbook bad boss at her first post-college position.
“My boss was awful to me,” Jenna said. “She was a lot older than me— in her 60s— so she was not too fond of technology and did everything so much slower.”
Jenna’s superior’s old school ways were the least of Jenna’s problems, as she endured verbal abuse and was subjected to violent gestures on the job.
“When I did my reports perfectly using excel, she would take them and rip it up in front of me,” Jenna said of her boss. “She always called me names such as ‘incompetent idiot’ and ‘stupid.’ She also slammed the door on my face quite a few times. She also wouldn’t let me go out to lunch with anyone in the office but her because she feared I would talk about her. She made me come in an hour early, leave an hour late and come in on Saturdays sometimes too.”
The youngest child in a large family, Jenna acquired thick skin and high tolerance for criticism as a kid, but nothing could have prepared her for the psychological and mental abuse she faced at the office. The idea of interacting with her boss every day caused Jenna to vomit and faint at the beginning of the day, but it took a trip to the hospital for her to realize that she desperately needed to leave her job.
“I was so sick of it all that when I saw her [at the office], she made me sick to my stomach [and] I would run and throw up actually,” Jenna said. “Two mornings in a row I woke up, took a shower, and when I came out of the shower I passed out due to stress and thinking of having to go into work and getting the abuse. [My husband] rushed me to the hospital and they suggested I see a therapist. I was put on anxiety meds and that is when I knew I had to quit!”
Though Jenna’s supervisor was clearly awful, some bosses tear down inferiors and staffers alike more subtly. They can be controlling, condescending, micromanagers, volatile, verbally or physically abusive, pushy, impossibly demanding, arbitrary, passive aggressive, manipulative, etc. A dreadful boss may possess all these traits, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is a bad human being, says Carla, a former employee of a hostile, perpetually angry boss who hovered over and lashed out at workers multiple times a day.
“Terrible bosses aren’t always terrible people. Typically they just do not handle stress well, and unfortunately may take it out on their employees,” said Carla, who worked as a receptionist at a university gym during college. “In my case however, Meryl Streep in ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ was a near mirror-image of the lovely individual I was working for.”
Carla refers to Streep’s much-lauded performance as fictional fashion magazine editor, Miranda Priestley, who works personal assistant Andrea Sachs to the ground in the 2006 film. Priestley tactlessly flings her belongings on Sachs’s desk, calls her “the smart, fat girl,” regularly presents the 20-something with unrealistic tasks, and doesn’t even bother referring to her by her actual name. Most of us would be ready to rumble under such a tyrant, but somehow manage to hold our tongues for the sake of career dreams or financial stability. If you stormed off every time a manager was unfair to you, both your resume and bank account would suffer. Here are a few checkpoints to help you maintain your position no matter how much of a nightmare your boss may be.
Fight the urge to make it personal, and stand up for yourself
I once snapped at a coworker for shouting obscenities at me. Up until that point, I had ignored all his snide remarks about my cheerful disposition. When I finally got around to fighting back and calling him out on his disrespectful language, he smirked and said, “What took you so long?”
From then on, we got along swimmingly. When dealing with an abrasive, mean-spirited boss, you should definitely defend yourself to show that you have a backbone and are no one’s punching bag.
“Never be afraid to stand up to your boss, especially if you have a gut feeling that what they’re doing isn’t right,” Carla advised, “but be diplomatic. Also beware: Burning bridges with your previous employers may come back to bite you.”
Echoing the New York Times review of Horrible Bosses, Carla remarked that the Recession and its accompanying 9.1% unemployment rate could discourage workers from standing up to their bosses, as the security of a position isn’t as easy to come by right now.
“These concepts are even more relevant in today’s economy. For people reading this who may not stand up to their terrible boss at the risk of being fired and face the inability to find another job—think about your health and whether or not the job is work your sanity,” Carla said.
Remember your mission
A bad boss could very well break the spirits of employees, said University College, London professor and researcher Adrian Furnham in 2007.
“Having a toxic manager makes workers unhappy and incompetent,” Furnham said. “One of the major causes of misery is misery at work… is because you are stuck with [toxic management] for eight hours a day. It leads to low morale and poor productivity because people keep going absent from work.”
Before you allow a nasty boss to ruin your day, remind yourself that you have big dreams. You surely have many achievements in mind, so don’t let a ruthless superior derail your success or direction. They may zap you of joy and make you feel inadequate, but they cannot rob you of your dreams, so remember that you have an ultimate vision for yourself. Someday, you’ll no longer have to work with your awful boss, and there’s much more to you, your life, and career than your current position. Don’t let circumstances or your supervisors define you. Awful bosses of all kinds could drive you to want to leave an otherwise healthy office environment, but don’t empower them by abandoning your work. If you hit a rough patch, think of your long-term goal and know that your boss is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Carla, who worked for her screamer boss for a year, agrees.
“As an employee having a crappy boss, I learned it is important to keep to your values and always look at the big picture,” she said.
Maintain communication with your boss, whether in person or virtually
If your boss is horrible, you may want to keep interactions with him/her to a minimum. Resist the desire to become invisible around your supervisors, as this mechanism could stunt your professional development. Getting ahead requires lots of work, so stay in contact with your boss to give him an idea of what you’re working on. Depending on your style, you could make several short trips to the boss’s office a day or simply touch bases frequently via email.
An anonymous author of a BusinessWeek article on toxic bosses admits to consistently writing her boss so he won’t bother him (or her).
“I send quick e-mails throughout the day, especially during the boxing period,” the writer reveals. “He feels no need to call me if he gets a barrage of status reports.”
Remember: It’s not about you
It is normal to engage in feedback sessions and take instruction from management; but when the behavior gets inappropriately personal or emotional, remember that the flaw here lies with management and not with you. As noted by Harvard Business Review scribe Annie McKee, it’s imperative to recognize you’re not at fault for another person’s oppressive and toxic behavior.
“Do not let toxic people touch your self esteem,” McKee writes. “Their screaming, demeaning, cynical poison is about them, not you. Consciously manage your boundaries so the toxins can’t get in.”
Don’t play the victim
There are few things more off-putting than self-pity. You may be tired of taking hits from your meanie boss, but don’t make yourself out to be the poor thing. When bosses see they’ve wounded you, they may continue to target you. Such an attitude won’t help you grow, either, so if you’d like to move up, reject the “poor me” mentality.
“Fight the temptation to feel victimized by the tyrants around you,” writes McKee. “Victims feed the poison. Victims can not [sic] lead. Recognize and act on your personal power and resilience.”
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly244oZDPN1rnojvoo1_500.png)
Light at the End of the Tunnel: Surviving a Toxic Boss
By Laura Donovan
Having heard many horror stories about working for awful bosses, I consider myself lucky. At previous jobs, I didn’t always understand the rationale of my superiors, but when push came to shove, I’ve liked all of my managers a great deal.
Not everyone has such fond words for The Man. For many years, news outlets have explored the effects of the pervasive workplace issue of a toxic boss, who could potentially bring down employees and even contribute to physical and mental health conditions. It’s no surprise that bad bosses can make you sick, as they’re said to increase a person’s probability of developing heart disease or other illnesses. This summer, Hollywood made light of the universal problem by releasing box office smash, Horrible Bosses, which resonated with viewers regardless of the comedy’s mixed reviews. “To extent that there is a point, beyond sheer silliness — which is fine on its own, by the way — it has something to do with the unfairness of work at a time of high unemployment,” writes A.O. Scott of the New York Times.
Toxic bosses come in many different forms and aren’t always easy to immediately spot, but Jenna, a fashion buyer, had a textbook bad boss at her first post-college position.
“My boss was awful to me,” Jenna said. “She was a lot older than me— in her 60s— so she was not too fond of technology and did everything so much slower.”
Jenna’s superior’s old school ways were the least of Jenna’s problems, as she endured verbal abuse and was subjected to violent gestures on the job.
“When I did my reports perfectly using excel, she would take them and rip it up in front of me,” Jenna said of her boss. “She always called me names such as ‘incompetent idiot’ and ‘stupid.’ She also slammed the door on my face quite a few times. She also wouldn’t let me go out to lunch with anyone in the office but her because she feared I would talk about her. She made me come in an hour early, leave an hour late and come in on Saturdays sometimes too.”
The youngest child in a large family, Jenna acquired thick skin and high tolerance for criticism as a kid, but nothing could have prepared her for the psychological and mental abuse she faced at the office. The idea of interacting with her boss every day caused Jenna to vomit and faint at the beginning of the day, but it took a trip to the hospital for her to realize that she desperately needed to leave her job.
“I was so sick of it all that when I saw her [at the office], she made me sick to my stomach [and] I would run and throw up actually,” Jenna said. “Two mornings in a row I woke up, took a shower, and when I came out of the shower I passed out due to stress and thinking of having to go into work and getting the abuse. [My husband] rushed me to the hospital and they suggested I see a therapist. I was put on anxiety meds and that is when I knew I had to quit!”
Though Jenna’s supervisor was clearly awful, some bosses tear down inferiors and staffers alike more subtly. They can be controlling, condescending, micromanagers, volatile, verbally or physically abusive, pushy, impossibly demanding, arbitrary, passive aggressive, manipulative, etc. A dreadful boss may possess all these traits, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is a bad human being, says Carla, a former employee of a hostile, perpetually angry boss who hovered over and lashed out at workers multiple times a day.
“Terrible bosses aren’t always terrible people. Typically they just do not handle stress well, and unfortunately may take it out on their employees,” said Carla, who worked as a receptionist at a university gym during college. “In my case however, Meryl Streep in ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ was a near mirror-image of the lovely individual I was working for.”
Carla refers to Streep’s much-lauded performance as fictional fashion magazine editor, Miranda Priestley, who works personal assistant Andrea Sachs to the ground in the 2006 film. Priestley tactlessly flings her belongings on Sachs’s desk, calls her “the smart, fat girl,” regularly presents the 20-something with unrealistic tasks, and doesn’t even bother referring to her by her actual name. Most of us would be ready to rumble under such a tyrant, but somehow manage to hold our tongues for the sake of career dreams or financial stability. If you stormed off every time a manager was unfair to you, both your resume and bank account would suffer. Here are a few checkpoints to help you maintain your position no matter how much of a nightmare your boss may be.
Fight the urge to make it personal, and stand up for yourself
I once snapped at a coworker for shouting obscenities at me. Up until that point, I had ignored all his snide remarks about my cheerful disposition. When I finally got around to fighting back and calling him out on his disrespectful language, he smirked and said, “What took you so long?”
From then on, we got along swimmingly. When dealing with an abrasive, mean-spirited boss, you should definitely defend yourself to show that you have a backbone and are no one’s punching bag.
“Never be afraid to stand up to your boss, especially if you have a gut feeling that what they’re doing isn’t right,” Carla advised, “but be diplomatic. Also beware: Burning bridges with your previous employers may come back to bite you.”
Echoing the New York Times review of Horrible Bosses, Carla remarked that the Recession and its accompanying 9.1% unemployment rate could discourage workers from standing up to their bosses, as the security of a position isn’t as easy to come by right now.
“These concepts are even more relevant in today’s economy. For people reading this who may not stand up to their terrible boss at the risk of being fired and face the inability to find another job—think about your health and whether or not the job is work your sanity,” Carla said.
Remember your mission
A bad boss could very well break the spirits of employees, said University College, London professor and researcher Adrian Furnham in 2007.
“Having a toxic manager makes workers unhappy and incompetent,” Furnham said. “One of the major causes of misery is misery at work… is because you are stuck with [toxic management] for eight hours a day. It leads to low morale and poor productivity because people keep going absent from work.”
Before you allow a nasty boss to ruin your day, remind yourself that you have big dreams. You surely have many achievements in mind, so don’t let a ruthless superior derail your success or direction. They may zap you of joy and make you feel inadequate, but they cannot rob you of your dreams, so remember that you have an ultimate vision for yourself. Someday, you’ll no longer have to work with your awful boss, and there’s much more to you, your life, and career than your current position. Don’t let circumstances or your supervisors define you. Awful bosses of all kinds could drive you to want to leave an otherwise healthy office environment, but don’t empower them by abandoning your work. If you hit a rough patch, think of your long-term goal and know that your boss is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Carla, who worked for her screamer boss for a year, agrees.
“As an employee having a crappy boss, I learned it is important to keep to your values and always look at the big picture,” she said.
Maintain communication with your boss, whether in person or virtually
If your boss is horrible, you may want to keep interactions with him/her to a minimum. Resist the desire to become invisible around your supervisors, as this mechanism could stunt your professional development. Getting ahead requires lots of work, so stay in contact with your boss to give him an idea of what you’re working on. Depending on your style, you could make several short trips to the boss’s office a day or simply touch bases frequently via email.
An anonymous author of a BusinessWeek article on toxic bosses admits to consistently writing her boss so he won’t bother him (or her).
“I send quick e-mails throughout the day, especially during the boxing period,” the writer reveals. “He feels no need to call me if he gets a barrage of status reports.”
Remember: It’s not about you
It is normal to engage in feedback sessions and take instruction from management; but when the behavior gets inappropriately personal or emotional, remember that the flaw here lies with management and not with you. As noted by Harvard Business Review scribe Annie McKee, it’s imperative to recognize you’re not at fault for another person’s oppressive and toxic behavior.
“Do not let toxic people touch your self esteem,” McKee writes. “Their screaming, demeaning, cynical poison is about them, not you. Consciously manage your boundaries so the toxins can’t get in.”
Don’t play the victim
There are few things more off-putting than self-pity. You may be tired of taking hits from your meanie boss, but don’t make yourself out to be the poor thing. When bosses see they’ve wounded you, they may continue to target you. Such an attitude won’t help you grow, either, so if you’d like to move up, reject the “poor me” mentality.
“Fight the temptation to feel victimized by the tyrants around you,” writes McKee. “Victims feed the poison. Victims can not [sic] lead. Recognize and act on your personal power and resilience.”
Laura Donovan is a staff writer and editor for Levo.
